Search Results for ‘51 things’

Memory Falters When Dealing With Pain or Grief

Pain has an element of blank;
It cannot recollect
When it began, or if there was
A time when it was not.

It has no future but itself,
Its infinite realms contain
Its past, enlightened to perceive
New periods of pain.

By Emily Dickinson

“Grief disrupts your mind and thinking abilities. Confusion moves in and memory takes a vacation. . . Just as your leg can experience a cramp and not move, it’s as though your mind has a memory cramp. Your mind is paralyzed and shuts down…” (Wright, 12-13)1

Constant pain can also interfere with memory retention or recall. Fatigue, lack of sleep, depression, stress, and some medications also contribute to memory issues. This article about memory loss cites studies that show how disturbed sleep patterns and chronic pain affect memory.

Remember to cut yourself some slack if you are dealing with grief and/or pain. Your mind is working very hard right now trying to cope.You are not going crazy.  

You don’t have to wait for your memory to right itself. There are a few things you can do now.

  1. Get adequate sleep. Figure out how to overcome your sleep issues. Getting the proper amount of sleep is necessary for your brain and body to function well.
  2. Get adequate exercise. Do more than exercise your body though, exercise your brain too.
  3. Manage your stress level. Prayer, exercise, practice gratitude, and journaling can help. Click here for 20 Ways to DeStress Your Life. Talk with a professional, if you are concerned about your memory, talk to your MD and/or a therapist.
  4. Practice your faith. We have a God who loves and cares about us. Even if you don’t understand your “why’s,” you can still find great help from God.

Works Cited

1. Wright, H. Norman.  Experiencing Grief. Nashville: B&H Publishing Group, 2004. 

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April s New Habit is a Sleeper (SMART Habit Saturday)

Grief Affects Behaviors, Feelings, Thoughts (Including Memory), & Body

I Just Gotta Read About Jesus Every Now & Again

Love is not a feeling; it’s a verb.

Mother Teresa’s Faith Crisis: Similar to Mine?

Mourning is a Choice

My ABC’s of Gratitude

my heart is soooo sad today

Understanding God Through (some of) His Attributes

Why I Have Sleep Issues

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Reviewing Educational Goals Before Making New Ones

School is done. So is the licensing interview.  The move is finished. Now I have time, time, time to devote to new life goals.

Before I decide upon new goals and habits for 2010, I need to see how well I’ve done these past 2 years. Therefore between now and January 1, 2010, I am going back over my 51 Things to Do in 365 Days List I made for my 50th birthday. Click here to read the original idea. Click here to read about my goals and click here for the habits I hoped to meet and acquire during my 50th year of life (2008).

Let’s start by reviewing my Educational Goals.

  1. Complete 1/4th consecration requirements. Before I could work on consecration (ordination for men) requirements, I needed to become licensed with the C&MA first. Getting ready for the licensing interview was bigger than I thought and so I postponed that until I completed all my MA coursework. On November 12, 2009, I had that interview. I had a few bumps, but passed! Now I am working on consecration requirements. I hope to be done with all this in 2012.
  2. Vote intelligently for presidential election. Done
  3. Read 2 books for fun. I read The 21 Balloons by William Pene Dubois. Click here for the review. The second book was The Secret of the Old Clock - the first of the Nancy Drew mystery series. While attending seminary I didn’t have time to read for fun, so these quick-to-read youth books were what I had time for.
  4. Figure out what’s wrong with my camera. Couldn’t figure it out. So it was tossed. But my sista and her family bought me a camera for my graduation (June 2009). I LOVE this camera. And it loves me back by rewarding me with GREAT photos.
  5.  Learn to do one thing on my blog.  My sista introduced me to stockxpert – the leading free stock photo site. So I have been able to include pictures on my posts. It is quick to sign up for a free account. Nice choices. Easy to use. And if I can use it, anyone can.
  6. Finish courses for masters degree from Western Seminary. DONE as of September 1, 2009!!! 

My score is a low B (83%) with 5/6 of my goals accomplished. I am happy with this especially since I decided to wisen up and postpone Goal #1.

 When you look back over the past year or two, what educational goals have you achieved?

Related Posts

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November 10 – Photo of the Day = Gratitude

mirror pictures 006Who are am I? When I look in the mirror am I really seeing me? Or some glorified or demonized version of myself? One way I can accurately see myself is through my relationships.

“The people we are in relationship with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs and simultaneously we are mirrors reflecting their beliefs” (Shakti Gawain). “The people with whom you interact show you who you are and ultimately provide you with an opportunity to love yourself” (Dr. John Demartini).

Have you heard that the frustrations we experience with others are really frustrations we have with ourselves? I.e. If I am upset with my mom because (imho) she is a know-it-all , maybe one reason I am upset with her is because I do the same thing. (True story.) Dr. Demartini takes this idea one step further. “There is truth in the statement that what we dislike in others, we haven’t learned to love in ourselves.” Ouch.

“At times it can be difficult to see that we have the qualities and talents we admire in other people. But it can be even more of a challenge to accept that we also possess the traits we don’t like in others” (Dr. John Demartini). Today I will look at the mirror and discover who I am, good and bad. And I will make changes according to this information.

This gratitude thinking is helping me to see that I’d like to make some changes. I’d like to exhibit more patience, goodness and self-control. I want to show the kind of love that looks for more opportunities to give of my time, talent and money. (See “Everyone Can Help One Child,” said Twila Paris.) I echo the words of Michael Jackson in his song Man in the Mirror .

I’m grateful for change, the kind that I can make and for which I am responsible. All this gratitude thinking is helping me see that I really do HAVE lots to acknowledge. And making some godly changes is an appropriate response.

Finally, I’m grateful that making changes is not something I do on my own. In fact, God has custom designed a plan for my life. And He has given me His Holy Spirit so I can change in order to fulfill those plans. “God planned for us to do good things and to live as He has always wanted us to live. That’s why He sent Christ to make us what we are.”

Previous Photos

Other Related Posts:

P.S. Ann Tatum is hosting 30 Days of Thanksgiving. She encourages us to daily share our gratitude. Click here and be sure to scroll to the bottom of the post and click on Mister Linky. Then you’ll be able  to read other participants on this thankful journey.

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We Cannot Be Grateful Without Being Thoughtful

“We cannot be grateful without being thoughtful. We cannot shift our mental gears into neutral and maintain a grateful lifestyle. This is why gratitude requires contemplation and reflection.” Robert Emmons:  Author, Scientist Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier

My focus determines who I am. Today I choose to focus on being grateful for what I have instead of being accusatory about what I’ve experienced and/or what I don’t have.

Today I’ll focus on what I can count on . . .

  1. My basic needs of food, water, safety and shelter will be met.
  2. My Father God will listen to my every prayer and thought.
  3. My father God has a plan for me today. I don’t have to be over-whelmed or stressed out.
  4. Nice weather.
  5. My circle of supportive family and friends is a phone call or tweet away.
  6. The Bible really does have a message for me today.
  7. My car is in working order.
  8. My colleagues are godly, inquisitive, loving, fun people. They even like me and encourage me.
  9. My to-do list. I can use it as a guide and NOT as a bludgeon.
  10. Snuggling with Chip and visiting with my daughter.

What can you count on today? Can you name 10 things?

mom's siggy purple

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Twenty Wishes Can Change Your Life (more than a book report)

“20Twenty. Twenty wishes that would help her recapture her excitement about life. Twenty dreams written down. Twenty possibilities that would give her a reason to look forward to the future instead of staying mired in her grief. She couldn’t continue to drag from one day to the next, lost in pain and heartache because Robert was dead. She needed a new sense of purpose. She owed that to herself – and to him.”

4  widows became friends at a book club run by Anne Marie in Twenty Wishes by Debbie Macomber. One Valentine’s Eve the four gather to soothe one another’s grief. Anne Marie tentatively suggests they list and fulfill 20 wishes. But as Anne Marie discovers, it is hard to lead the grief-stricken heart into wishful territory. It’s hard to figure out what she wants out of life.

“So now she had two separate lists – one for wishes and the second for the more practical aspects of life. Not that each wish wouldn’t ultimately require its own to-do list, but that was a concern for another day. She closed her eyes and tried to figure out what she wanted most, what wish she hoped to fulfill. The next few ideas were all sensible ones, like scheduling appointments she’d postponed for months. It was a sad commentary that her one wish, the lone desire of her heart, was an outrageously priced pair of  boots.”

 ”That was the problem; she no longer knew what she wanted. Shrouded in grief and lost dreams, her joy had vanished, the same way laughter and singing had.”

 But Anne Marie was able to list one wish -  a pair of red cowboy boots.  This one silly, maybe even inconsequential, wish was a beginning.

“Okay, this was a start. She wasn’t going to abandon the idea. And at least she’d taken control of some immediate needs. She’d identified what she had to do.”

 ”Sometime later, she’d list what she wanted to do.”

“ Already the thought of listing her wishes was making a difference; already she felt a tiny bit of hope, a whisper of excitement. The thawing had begun.”

 Lillie, one of the other widows, found this wish making powerful too. She felt a sense of expectation that she hadn’t felt in years. She said, “It’s like I’ve finally given myself permission to do what I want.”

The events that lead to grief can take away our joy, our ability to plan happily into the future and a sense of control. For awhile this is normal. But we can become stuck in grief. Making and seeking wise wishes (whether they are 3, 10 or 100) can reverse the above. Give us a plan to integrating the grief and moving into a new sense of self. Give us a sense of purpose. Help us to see who we are now.

Let’s Talk About It . . .

  1. Is it time to give yourself permission to live again with joy, to plan for the future and to take control for life?
  2. What are your wishes?
  3. Can you list 20?
  4. Which one will you work on first?

My Twenty Wishes Idea . . .

I’ve never written up a 20 wishes list. But for my 50th year of life I made a list of 51: 18 new habits to incorporate into my life and 32 thingsto do.  Life was soooo busy that year (and this one too) mainly because of school, I never finished the list.

So I’ll start with this 51 Things to Do List. I’ll have a look at what can be crossed off (not many of the habits, but many of my educational and spiritual goals get the line through). I’ll be sure to post where I am with this. I hope you post too!

Related Posts

1 comment .

Complete These Sentences: “Grief Recovery Is . . .” “Grief Recovery Means . . .”

Product DetailsThe Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James and Russell Friedman has many helpful ideas about grief.

Below are some that are most meaningful to me.

Recovery is (James, 6-7)   . . .

  • Acknowledging that it is perfectly all right to feel sad from time to time and to talk about those feelings no matter how those around you react.
  • Being able to enjoy fond memories without having them initiate painful feelings of regret or remorse.
  • Being able to forgive others when they say or do things that you know are based on their lack of knowledge about grief.
  • Finding new meaning for living without the fear of being hurt again.
  • One day realizing that your ability to talk about the loss you’ve experienced is indeed normal and healthy.

Recovery means (James, 6-7, 41)  . . . 

  • Acquiring the skills that you should have been taught in childhood.
  • Claiming your circumstances instead of circumstances claiming you and your happiness.
  • Discovering and completing what was unfinished for you in your unique relationship.

Recovery “is not a one-time arrival at a set destination. It’s an ongoing process” (Wright, 68). Nor will life ever get back to normal. Life will be different because of the loss.

“When we go through any significant grief experience we come out of it as different people. Depending upon the way we responded to this event we are either stronger people than we were before or weaker-either healthier in spirit or sicker.” (Westberg, 61)

 The grieving person will develop a new normal. As we shepherd our flock and/or support our family and friends we can help them develop a new normal that is healthy for their mind, body and spirit.

Let’s Talk About It

  1. How did you complete the sentences: “Grief recovery is . . .” Grief recovery means . . .”
  2. Do any of these points make an impact? Why?
  3. What skill(s) do you need to learn now that you didn’t learn in childhood?
  4. What recovery do you need/want to make?
  5. How can you support someone in their grief recovery process?
  6. How would you like someone to support you?
Works Cited

  • James, John W and Russell Friedman. The Grief Recovery Handbook. New York: HarperPerennial, 1999.          
  • Westberg, Granger E. Good Grief. Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1997.                                                                                                               
  • Wright, H. Norman.  Experiencing Grief. Nashville: B&H Publishing Group, 2004.

(more…)

2 comments .

5 Ways to Help a Grieving Friend

146120_saying_good-bye“One of the most helpful things we can do for a friend at such a time is to stand by that friend in quiet confidence, and assure him or her that this, too, shall pass. . . Once it is realized that our concern is genuine, then the quiet assertion of our confidence in God’s continuing care and concern will assist tremendously in the friend’s recovery.” (Granger E. Westberg. Good Grief, page 32).

 Some other helpful actions include: 

  1. Mainly listen.
  2. Touch/hug and pray with her, if/when appropriate and/or wanted.
  3. Get comfortable with her tears and intense emotions. Don’t try to talk her out of her emotions or minimize her loss.
  4. Let her talk about the topic of her choice. Don’t change the subject.
  5. Let her grieve as long as it takes. Don’t put time expectations upon her.

Think About It

  • Which of the above actions are you comfortable extending?
  • Which one(s) do you like receiving?
  • What action will you do today?

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  • Grief Affects Behaviors, Feelings, Thoughts (including memory) & Body
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  • Every Loss Can Bring Grief
  • Sometimes Nothing is the Best Thing to Say
  • Chronic Pain Brings Losses to Grieve
  • 4 Ways Grief Has Changed My Beliefs
  • This Grief Attitude Annoys Me
  • Loss Leads to Depression
  • Time to Pray Away Love
  • Dozen Ideas to Move Past the Blahs
  • Live Well Today

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    Every Loss Can Bring Grief

    425342_tired_lost_sportmanGrief is the physical, emotional, somatic, cognitive and spiritual response to actual or threatened loss of a person, thing or place to which we are emotionally attached. We grieve because we are biologically willed to attach.” By John Bowlby, Father of Attachment Theory

     A lot of the material (in books and on the Internet) deals with grief as associated with death. However, grief can result from any loss. “Every loss brings pain and disruption of life” (Wright, iv). “Loss refers to a breaking of a bond you’ve formed with a significant person, place, thing, or idea (including beliefs) in your life” (Harvey, 10). Simply put, loss changes the way things have been and we miss that. Very deeply at times.

    Some traditional losses are as follows:

    • Death Due to Suicide or Murder
    • Death of a Family Member, Friend, Co-Worker or Pet
    • Death of a Former Spouse
    • Divorce (impacts more than just the people getting divorced)
    • Doing Poorly at School or Work
    • Employment Change through Being Laid off or Fired
    • Empty Nest
    • End of Addictions
    • Financial Changes (positive or negative}
    • Graduation
    • Holidays
    • Home/Possessions Lost Through Natural Disaster, Vandalism, Foreclosure
    • Infertility
    • Legal Problems
    • Major Health Changes (including chronic illness)
    • Marriage
    • Miscarriage and Stillbirth
    • Moving
    • Near Death Experience
    • Harm Through Abuse, Rape, Accident (loss of safety and loss of control of one’s body)
    • Retirement
    • Starting School
    • Status Change
    • Trust (loss of) – with a parent and other relationships including God
    • Unfaithful Spouse

    The more bonds that are broken and the deeper the bonds are, the deeper the grief tends to be.“The amount of work your grief requires will depend on your life experiences, the type of loss, and whatever else you have on your plate at that time” (Schwiebert, 47).

    Several other factors will also affect mourning.

    • Your familial and cultural background will dictate what behaviors are expected, okayed and shunned. These behaviors may or may not move the bereaved forward to recovery.
    • Additionally, the number of losses you’ve had, your age, and how much support you received in the past and present help determine the quality of grieving you’ll go through.

    But having said this, grief recovery is a very individual journey. What devastates one person hardly fazes another. And that’s okay. What’s important is to  . . . feel the feelings . . . talk about the loss . . . practice faith . . . and patiently wait for the wound in your heart to heal.

    Action Steps.

    1. Go through the above loss list. What losses can you identify with? Which ones have you/have you not fully grieved? Are you willing to learn how to grieve those still on the list?
    2. Look at your familial and cultural beliefs regarding grief and loss. Which beliefs are/aren’t helpful? Can you change one of the unhelpful beliefs/actions?
    3. Write down your support people – those who love you and like you. Those who listen without judgement and can keep your private stuff private. Have you talked to them about your griefs? Losses? Why or why not?
    4. How can you feel (instead of bottling up and ignoring the pain) the grief for one loss today? Journal, paint, read (see the below works cited), talk, or cry are some options. Sometimes it is helpful to get professional help.
    5. Look for a local grief support group.
    6. What have I left off this list?

    Works Cited

     Harvey, Greg. Grieving for Dummies.  Hoboken: Wiley Publishing, 2007. 

    Schwiebert, Pat and Chuck DeKlyen.Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss.  Portland: Grief Watch, 2005.

    Wright, H. Norman.  Experiencing Grief. Nashville: B&H Publishing Group, 2004.

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    Accepting Honest Scrap Award Means I Share 10 Honest Things

     honest_scrap_awardHonestly, I’ve been nominated! Here are the rules . . .

    A) List 10 honest things about yourself—and make them interesting, even if you have to dig deep!
    B) Pass the award on to 7 bloggers who you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap and whose blogs you find brilliant in design or content.

    Thank you, Spring, for this nomination. If you all like the design, the applause goes to Jenny. If you like the content, the applause goes to me.  :-)

    I’ve thought long and hard about this post as I wanted to make sure I didn’t repeat things I’ve already written. Not that I expect you all to have memorized it all.  :-D

    1. I love to garden especially when the yard has plenty of sun and lovely soil. When I lived in CO I used to shop at a super store that had a garden centre. Every week I’d come home with another plant and sneak it into the ground. Usually my dh noticed weeks later. To his question, “Isn’t this new?” I’d reply, “Oh, no. We’ve had it for awhile.” Seriously, if I stayed there, I would have had to enter a treatment facility or join a 12 Step 5350_passed_out_on_couchprogram for gardening addiction. Honestly.
    2. I prefer sleeping on the couch.  It makes me feel all snuggly and safe.
    3. I’m an out-of-control snacker when I write papers. I get myself all stressed out and to relieve the stress I eat. I only do this when writing papers. So I wonder how much weight I’ll lose once I’m done with school.
    4. I’m more of a listener than a talker and more serious than fun. I find small talk difficult.  Once in awhile I do get quite chatty and silly. Some people, like my Sista and Lorna, seem to bring this out in me.
    5. Even though I’m 51, I’ve only had one job in my “career.” That’s right here at CNC as director of women’s ministry and small groups. It will be an honor to be able to work there full-time come September. During my adult years I’ve mainly been a stay-at-home, home-school mom. That was also an honor.
    6. One of my favorite things to do is to snuggle with my god-son, Lennon. I love it when he falls asleep in my arms, even though he’s getting so big that he doesn’t really “fit” in y arms. He’s sprawled all over me. He’s about 18  months old.
    7. I love the idea of being connected to a small group of people. You know like a Cheers or Friends type group. I am attending a family friendly small group through church. I haven’t been going very long, but I think that this group is morphing into such a connected group. I’m the only “single” in the group, but they really seem to like and love me. Cool.
    8. I am a terrible pack rat. I don’t know why. It caused quite a few dissensions in my marriage. But you know what? I’m ready to get rid of that compulsion/habit/need/whatever it is. I’m ready to streamline. I’m ready to let God provide instead of me hanging onto stuff just in case I need it someday.
    9. When I research something, I go all out.  I read lots of library books and lots of sites on the web. I buy lots of books through Amazon one-click and of course read those. I want to know all there is to know about that topic.
    10. 351809_oink_oink_piggy_bank_310. I am compulsive about paying with exact change.  COMPULSIVE. Well, I was until about a year ago. Someone challenged me to put any loose change into a piggy bank and see if I missed paying with the change. I didn’t. WHAT a surprise. My pink, plastic piggy is about full. When I cash it in, I’ll use that money for my short-term trip to Jordan in July.

    I tag the following peeps because they are honest in their communications about themselves (some are on FB only) and/or their site is brilliant and  because I think they’d play along:

    Maybe those of you only on FB could list 5 honest things about yourselves. That is if you think 10 things  takes up too much room.

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    34,684 Applicants Think Australia Job Best in the World; I Disagree

    883391_coral_reefThis “best job” involves getting paid to explore the Great Barrier Reef islands.  And then singing the praises of  the sea, the sun, and the outdoors surrounding those islands via blog and video.

    This exposure will hopefully increase Australian tourism. Go here  for the official website to vote on your favorite applicant. Voting for the 50 final applicants closes March 24, 2009 . Go here and here to read more about this job.

    While it would be marvelous to partake of this lifestyle for its 6 month duration, I don’t think it is the best job in the world. I think I Chronicles 16:4a describes the best job . . .

    “David appointed Levites to minister before the ark of the Lord and to celebrate [by calling to mind], thanking and praising the Lord, the God of Israel (I Chronicles 16:4a Amplified Bible).

    Here’s an advert David could have posted in the Jerusalem Gazette: Looking for Levites to lead the people in worship. Duties: celebrating, thanking and praising the Lord God.

    Live the abundant, grace-filled life and then publicly share via celebration, thanksgiving and praise what God has done. Now that’s something I’d love to get paid to do!  Hopefully this public exposure will show who and what God is like, increase faith, and lead people into a closer walk with God.

    I am thankful for the worship leaders at my church. I believe they do the above.

    Today, I’m going to celebrate by calling to mind things that cause me to thank and praise the Lord God Almighty!

    Isaiah 43:25

    1. God wipes out my transgressions.
    2. He remembers them no more.
    3. He does this for His own sake!

    Isaiah 46: 4 – one of my favorite verses right now for obvious reasons.

    1. God will take care of me . . .
    2.  . . . Even when I am old.
    3.  . . . Even when I have grey hair.

    Habakkuk 3:19

    The Lord God is my . . .

    1. . . . Strength.
    2. . . . Personal bravery.
    3. . . . Invincible army.
    4. He enables me to walk and not stand still in terror.
    5. He helps me make spiritual progress upon my high places of trouble, suffering, and/or responsibility.

    What would be your best job in the world? What causes you to celebrate, thank and/or praise God?

    3 comments .

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