1. Don’t take life/people so seriously.
2. Respect authority.
3. Share your thoughts and heart regularly.
4. It’s okay to ask for help from store clerks, mental health professionals, teachers, family and friends.
5. Life is not fair or predictable.
6. Having a critical spirit damages you more than anyone else.
7. Walking closely and in obedience with/to God is worth it.
8. Embrace people of other cultures: this pleases God and enriches you.
9. Use money wisely.
10. Be generous and wise with your possessions, time, words and love.
11. No one is perfect, not even you, so accept it.
12. Have fun daily.
13. Work harder and give more than asked.
14. Search for the silver lining.
15. Tithe.
16. Be a life-long student of the Bible.
17. Be a good example.
18. Think outside the box.
19. Don’t let fear make your decisions.
20. Chase after your bliss and do it.
21. Get a college degree.
22. Eat dessert first.
23. Being different is okay.

I’m still learning to implement many of these things.  I am a work in progress and so are you my two precious (adult) children! And I have to admit that I’ve learned and am learning much from you two.

What are you hoping your kiddos will learn from you?

We just spent a lovely weekend right by Lake Tahoe. The weekend’s topic was an overview of  Boundaries and presented in a low-key, sensitive manner. One attendee said she enjoyed how the topic was shared without guilt. Me too.

I also liked the word picture that boundaries, like fences, should have a gate.

Boundaries are supposed to be able to “breathe,” to be like fences with a gate that can let the good in and the bad out. Individuals with walls for boundaries can let in neither bad nor good. No one touches them.

God designed our personal boundaries to have gates. We should have the freedom to enjoy safe relationships and to avoid destructive ones.”  (Boundaries by Dr. Cloud & Dr. Townsend, pp 52-53)

At the end of a retreat, class, or seminar, I like to evaluate the experience. This helps me to see what I learned and how to incorporate the learning into my life.

Below are some questions to ponder after your next retreat.

1. What were your expectations and hopes regarding the following: The topic  . . . Yourself . . . The ladies . . . God?
2. Were your expectations and hopes met in each of the four areas? Why or why not? How?
3. What one or two ideas made a great impact on you this weekend?  
4.  What will you do with this information? 
5.  Who will you share it with?

How did you answer the questions? What questions would you add?

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Before I attend a retreat, seminar or class, I take a few minutes to write down my expectations. This helps me to be more focused during the event. I am going on a women’s retreat in a few days, I’ll be doing some thinking & writing.

What are my expectations and hopes regarding the following . . .

The topic (Boundaries)?

Myself?

 The ladies?

God?

Being intentional about my actions will help me receive some of the benefits I want from retreat. Below are some ideas.

Topic – What do I want to learn and use from this topic? When/where/with whom will I go over my notes from the sessions? Complete the Boundary Building . . . On Your Own pages? Talk with others? Journal?

Myself - What do I need? ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Quiet? Rest? Play? A listening ear?

Friendships – This weekend will I be making a new friend or deepening an existing relationship? During the free time? During meals? While driving to and from retreat? Will I spend some time playing? Asking questions and really listening to the answers? Sharing what’s on my heart?

God- What do I need from God – a Word of encouragement, direction, wisdom and/or healing?  When/where will I set aside time to spend reading, praying, journaling, being quiet?

We always have a booklet at retreat. It has notes from the sessions, resource pages, etc. The above questions will also be in the booklet so the ladies attending retreat will have the opportunity to answer the same questions.

What are some questions you’d ask yourself to get prepared for retreat?

“A characteristic of a trusting heart is the knowledge that no one is perfect, including you. Therefore, there is no beating up another for his or her failures. No punishment to earn back your love. No testing to see if they deserve a second chance. There can be no trust when perfection is your goal. Perfectionism takes away all ability to trust.”

“When someone breaks our trust, we must ask ourselves if we contributed. Were we awake in the relationship? If the answer is no, we have some learning to do. . .

• Putting boundaries in place.
• Being present in the relationship.
• Being willing to see and speak the truth.

If the answer is yes to being present and the trust was broken, there is healing work to do.”

“Never deny the love you had. Never act as if it didn’t exist or wasn’t real. It was. Love doesn’t guarantee that there will always be trust between you. People get afraid and they do things that do not represent their best. People lash out when they don’t know what else to do. People hurt other people because they are hurting inside.”[1]

So what do you think about this?

Since getting divorced I’ve noticed some things I’ve needed to change in my heart. Like . . .  no one is perfect (including me) and I can let that fact separate me from others or let it be just what it is . . . a fact.

I’ve also learned that being in a living, loving, growing relationship means I need to be present in the relationship. Be willing to see what is. Then either accept it or say something about it. No closed eyes hoping it will magically get better.  Be strong and stand up for good boundaries.

Finally, I’ve  see again and again that people do things that aren’t meant to be hurtful to me. It isn’t even about me. People get afraid or overwhelmed or so focused on their own stuff that they then do things, say things, that doesn’t represent their best.

I do the same. We all need grace especially when going through hurting times.

These kinds of thoughts are keeping me company while I also think about my divorce. June 17th would have been 27 years married.