Looking for a small group where you can connect and learn with other women?

• The video curriculum workbook will be a valuable resource for learning about the topic before the class because each week has five day’s worth of interaction with that week’s message, Scripture and prayer.
• The first five lessons will cover the following: Praying to become all God made me to be . . . Praying for a life-transforming walk with God. . . Praying to be free of the past . . Praying to put my life in right order . . . Praying to surrender control of my life to God.        
• However, it is not necessary to have the workbook in order to attend the class or gain from the information presented. Just be sure to bring paper if you are a note-taker.

1. If you’ve already done this video study or read the book, what is the gem that you still remember? Still practice?
2. What would you like to learn about regarding prayer?

• 3 Phases of Becoming Part of CNC
• 4 Week Hospitality Group Format
• 5 Ways I Saw God Take Care of Me Today
• Answer the following to see what you should do: P.S. Small groups is the answer
• Getting Financially Fit Will Happen This February-March: Attend This CNC Small Group
• Hospitality Field Trip Refreshes and Teaches
• Out of the Saltshaker and into the World
• Small Groups Help with New Year’s Resolutions: Especially When it Feels Like You Are Scaling a Wall

Books can be dangerous. The best ones should be labeled “This could change your life.”  ~Helen Exley

Reading is obviously useful for day-to-day life. I.e. We need to read in order to . . .

• File our taxes
• Fill out a library card application
• Understand the employee handbook
• Check out the sports stats for our favorite hockey team
• Choose an appropriate birthday card or the correct type of oil for the car, and
• Buy the beans, meat and tortillas we need for dinner.

But reading can bring more than ease to daily living or increase our competency at work.

Below are a 13 reasons I’ve found reading to be beneficial. Reading . . .

1. Helps us develop better vocabulary and grammar
2. Exposes us to novel ideas, actions, geography and people so that we become more culturally & historically aware
3. Energizes us for action or de-stresses us after an action-packed day
4. Improves our general knowledge and imagination
5. Clarifies difficult topics (If there is a children’s book on the topic, I always read that first so I can get a simple overview.)
6. Gives us the opportunity to learn from the mistakes and wisdom of others
7. Encourages us to be the best we can be
8. Is a fun way to spend our time and/or learn
9. Enhances our creativity and concentration
10. Shows us how we can do life, work, health, relationships, etc.  better, easier, faster, cheaper
11. Increases family bonding when the reading is done out loud
12. Alleviates loneliness
13. Nourishes our soul and intellect

What would you add to this list? How is reading beneficial to you?

Related Posts

• 10 Read Out Loud Tips for More Enjoyment
• If Books Are Like a Personality Test, What Do My New Year’s Choices Reveal?

Brad Isaac at Persistance Unlimited has two good articles on reading. (1) Click here to read “The 26 Major Advantages to Reading More Books and Why 3 in 4 People Are Being Shut Out of Success.”  (2) Go here to read “5 Sneaky and Underhanded Methods To Add 30% More Time To Your Daily Reading Schedule.

“Twenty. Twenty wishes that would help her recapture her excitement about life. Twenty dreams written down. Twenty possibilities that would give her a reason to look forward to the future instead of staying mired in her grief. She couldn’t continue to drag from one day to the next, lost in pain and heartache because Robert was dead. She needed a new sense of purpose. She owed that to herself – and to him.”

4  widows became friends at a book club run by Anne Marie in Twenty Wishes by Debbie Macomber. One Valentine’s Eve the four gather to soothe one another’s grief. Anne Marie tentatively suggests they list and fulfill 20 wishes. But as Anne Marie discovers, it is hard to lead the grief-stricken heart into wishful territory. It’s hard to figure out what she wants out of life.

“So now she had two separate lists – one for wishes and the second for the more practical aspects of life. Not that each wish wouldn’t ultimately require its own to-do list, but that was a concern for another day. She closed her eyes and tried to figure out what she wanted most, what wish she hoped to fulfill. The next few ideas were all sensible ones, like scheduling appointments she’d postponed for months. It was a sad commentary that her one wish, the lone desire of her heart, was an outrageously priced pair of  boots.”

 ”That was the problem; she no longer knew what she wanted. Shrouded in grief and lost dreams, her joy had vanished, the same way laughter and singing had.”

 But Anne Marie was able to list one wish -  a pair of red cowboy boots.  This one silly, maybe even inconsequential, wish was a beginning.

“Okay, this was a start. She wasn’t going to abandon the idea. And at least she’d taken control of some immediate needs. She’d identified what she had to do.”

 ”Sometime later, she’d list what she wanted to do.”

“ Already the thought of listing her wishes was making a difference; already she felt a tiny bit of hope, a whisper of excitement. The thawing had begun.”

 Lillie, one of the other widows, found this wish making powerful too. She felt a sense of expectation that she hadn’t felt in years. She said, “It’s like I’ve finally given myself permission to do what I want.”

The events that lead to grief can take away our joy, our ability to plan happily into the future and a sense of control. For awhile this is normal. But we can become stuck in grief. Making and seeking wise wishes (whether they are 3, 10 or 100) can reverse the above. Give us a plan to integrating the grief and moving into a new sense of self. Give us a sense of purpose. Help us to see who we are now.

Let’s Talk About It . . .

1. Is it time to give yourself permission to live again with joy, to plan for the future and to take control for life?
2. What are your wishes?
3. Can you list 20?
4. Which one will you work on first?

My Twenty Wishes Idea . . .

I’ve never written up a 20 wishes list. But for my 50th year of life I made a list of 51: 18 new habits to incorporate into my life and 32 thingsto do.  Life was soooo busy that year (and this one too) mainly because of school, I never finished the list.

So I’ll start with this 51 Things to Do List. I’ll have a look at what can be crossed off (not many of the habits, but many of my educational and spiritual goals get the line through). I’ll be sure to post where I am with this. I hope you post too!

Related Posts

• Complete These Sentences: “Grief Recovery Is . . .” “Grief Recovery Means . . .”
• Grief Can Become Stuck
• Dozen Ideas to Move Past the Blahs

Can you guess what movie/book the following advice came from?  The short story was written by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

For What it’s Worth . . .

1. It’s never too late . . . to be whoever you want to be. There is no time limit. Start whenever you want.
2. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing.
3. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it.
4. I hope you see things that startle you.
5. I hope you feel things you’ve never felt before.
6. I hope you meet people with a different point-of-view.
7. I hope you live a life you’re proud of.
8. And if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

Having just come back from retreat, I have thoughts on how I want to change. I can change or stay the same. It’s my choice. It’s also my choice as to the speed of my change.

We learned that we can’t change well on our own. We need a community – God and people – who are involved in our lives and who want what’s best for us. We learned this weekend that hurt is caused in relationships and these hurts are healed in relationships.

The hurts I’ve  received from my childhood family, teenage friends,  or spouse can be healed in relationships now. The healthly friendships I have today do more than support and encourage me today. They can help me to heal, forgive and move on from my past. I can change.

The hope I want to experience this year is to see things that startle me.

What is your hope?

Want to see where these 8 thoughts are from? The answer is found by clicking on the more below.

The answer is The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

 Books

1. Copen, Lisa J. Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend. San Diego:Rest Ministries Inc, 2008.
2. Copen, Lisa J. So You Want to Start a Chronic Illness-Pain Ministry. San Diego:Rest Ministries Inc, 2002.
3.  Harvey, Greg. Grieving for Dummies.  Hoboken: Wiley Publishing, 2007. 
4.  Kassan, Stuart S. and Charles Vierck, Jr and Elizabeth Vierck. Chronic Pain for Dummies. Hoboken: Wiley Publishing, 2008.
5.  Koestler , Angela J. and  Ann Myers. Understanding Chronic Pain.  Jackson: University Press of Mississippi, 2002.
6.  Thomas, Richard. Alternative Answers to Pain.Pleasanton: Reader’s Digest Association, 1999.
7.  Wells, Susan Milstrey. A Delicate Balance: Living Successfully with Chronic Illness. Cambridge: Da Capo Press, 2000.

Websites

1. PainFoundation.org, The American Pain Foundation: Library has information on a variety of topics related to pain: qualifying for disability from Social Security, diseases that cause chronic pain, pain relief studies, therapies
2. Pain.com, Danemiller Foundation: Information for patients and a forum where pain medicine experts answer questions
3. MayoClinic.Com,  The Mayo Clinic: Diseases and conditions are listed alphabetically – find updates in research and background information.
4. MedlinePlus.gov,  Medline Plus: Access to summaries of many medical journal articles, extensive information about drugs, interactive patient tutorials, illustrated medical encyclopedia, and latest health news
5. aaPainManage.org, American Academy of Pain Management: Database of 6,000 physicians and accredited pain centers
6. AmPainSoc.org, The American Pain Society:  Database of pain treatment centers identified by location, services, classification and setting (home or hospital-based)

What books or websites have you found helpful?

Related Posts

Below are 9 books and 2 websites I’ve  read that deal with grief. Be sure to let me know what helpful resources you’ve found.

Books

1. Beattie, Melodie. The Grief Club. Center City: Hazelden, 2006.
2. Harvey, Greg. Grieving for Dummies.  Hoboken: Wiley Publishing, 2007. 
3. Hipp, Earl. Help for the Hard Times. Center City: Hazelden, 1995.                                                  
4. James, John W and Russell Friedman. The Grief Recovery Handbook. New York: HarperPerennial, 1999.          
5. Kuenning, Delores. Helping People Through Grief. Minneapolis: Bethany House Publishers, 1987.
6. Schwiebert, Pat and Chuck DeKlyen. Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss.  Portland: Grief Watch.
7. Westberg, Granger E. Good Grief. Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1997.                                             
8. Wolfelt, Alan D. Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas.  Fort Collins: Companion Press, 2001.    
9. Wright, H. Norman.  Experiencing Grief. Nashville: B&H Publishing Group, 2004.

Websites

1. “Grieving Process.” Mayo Clinic. 17 Nov. 2008  <http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/grieving-process/AN01649.>
2. “Loss, Change and Grief.” Journey of Hearts. 11 Sept. 2002. 17 Nov. 2008  <http://www.journeyofhearts.org/grief/complicate.html.>

“A characteristic of a trusting heart is the knowledge that no one is perfect, including you. Therefore, there is no beating up another for his or her failures. No punishment to earn back your love. No testing to see if they deserve a second chance. There can be no trust when perfection is your goal. Perfectionism takes away all ability to trust.”

“When someone breaks our trust, we must ask ourselves if we contributed. Were we awake in the relationship? If the answer is no, we have some learning to do. . .

• Putting boundaries in place.
• Being present in the relationship.
• Being willing to see and speak the truth.

If the answer is yes to being present and the trust was broken, there is healing work to do.”

“Never deny the love you had. Never act as if it didn’t exist or wasn’t real. It was. Love doesn’t guarantee that there will always be trust between you. People get afraid and they do things that do not represent their best. People lash out when they don’t know what else to do. People hurt other people because they are hurting inside.”[1]

So what do you think about this?

Since getting divorced I’ve noticed some things I’ve needed to change in my heart. Like . . .  no one is perfect (including me) and I can let that fact separate me from others or let it be just what it is . . . a fact.

I’ve also learned that being in a living, loving, growing relationship means I need to be present in the relationship. Be willing to see what is. Then either accept it or say something about it. No closed eyes hoping it will magically get better.  Be strong and stand up for good boundaries.

Finally, I’ve  see again and again that people do things that aren’t meant to be hurtful to me. It isn’t even about me. People get afraid or overwhelmed or so focused on their own stuff that they then do things, say things, that doesn’t represent their best.

I do the same. We all need grace especially when going through hurting times.

These kinds of thoughts are keeping me company while I also think about my divorce. June 17th would have been 27 years married.

The Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James and Russell Friedman has many helpful ideas about grief.

Below are some that are most meaningful to me.

Recovery is (James, 6-7)   . . .

• Acknowledging that it is perfectly all right to feel sad from time to time and to talk about those feelings no matter how those around you react.
• Being able to enjoy fond memories without having them initiate painful feelings of regret or remorse.
• Being able to forgive others when they say or do things that you know are based on their lack of knowledge about grief.
• Finding new meaning for living without the fear of being hurt again.
• One day realizing that your ability to talk about the loss you’ve experienced is indeed normal and healthy.

Recovery means (James, 6-7, 41)  . . . 

• Acquiring the skills that you should have been taught in childhood.
• Claiming your circumstances instead of circumstances claiming you and your happiness.
• Discovering and completing what was unfinished for you in your unique relationship.

Recovery “is not a one-time arrival at a set destination. It’s an ongoing process” (Wright, 68). Nor will life ever get back to normal. Life will be different because of the loss.

“When we go through any significant grief experience we come out of it as different people. Depending upon the way we responded to this event we are either stronger people than we were before or weaker-either healthier in spirit or sicker.” (Westberg, 61)

 The grieving person will develop a new normal. As we shepherd our flock and/or support our family and friends we can help them develop a new normal that is healthy for their mind, body and spirit.

Let’s Talk About It

1. How did you complete the sentences: “Grief recovery is . . .” Grief recovery means . . .”
2. Do any of these points make an impact? Why?
3. What skill(s) do you need to learn now that you didn’t learn in childhood?
4. What recovery do you need/want to make?
5. How can you support someone in their grief recovery process?
6. How would you like someone to support you?

• James, John W and Russell Friedman. The Grief Recovery Handbook. New York: HarperPerennial, 1999.          
• Westberg, Granger E. Good Grief. Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1997.                                                                                                               
• Wright, H. Norman.  Experiencing Grief. Nashville: B&H Publishing Group, 2004.

Related Posts

Our read aloud book for February was The Hidden Diary of Marie Antoinette: A Novel. 

• Since neither my daughter or I speak French, it was difficult to pronounce (and thus keep straight) the many, many French names of people and places.
• I was also disappointed with the story line. Even though it was a work of fiction, it was touted as an historical work. So, I expected that the author, Carolly Erickson, would use her previous research (she wrote a biography of Marie Antoinette) for this book too. Instead Erickson left out historical people and episodes and made up others. Why do authors/screenwriters do that? The real life story is exciting enough!

We read 224 of the 341 pages of the book. Many days would pass between readings. This was not our norm.

One day while driving home from the grocery store, I asked dd, “Shall we give up on Marie?”

“Yes. Yes, I think we should.” So we did.

Go here for 10 Tips to make reading out loud more enjoyable for adults.

Crafting has been a blast this month. I made 2 types of tea favours for my table at the annual missionary tea. First, I took a small candle in a pretty, round tin, glued ribbon around the lid and glued a flower on top.

Second, I made flower pens. Until I gave them to my table guests I arranged them in a vase and used it as a centerpiece.            

I made 2 dozen pies, berry and lemon meringue; they were made from Sculpey clay.  What we don’t sell at our bake sale, we’ll sell through etsy, an online shop. (The Women’s Ministry team and I made 5 kinds of pies for our tea magnets. See here for pix of other years’ magnets.)

Even though I am a busy woman, I see that I NEED to exercise my creativity on a regular basis. This keeps me sane and happy. Plus, it is so much fun. Life is too short to not have fun. I notice that all my crafting projects have been for others. So this is a win-win for everyone. 

My January creativity is recorded here.

My recently graduated-from-college daughter moved back home for a while. We have been reading out loud to each other, something we used to do when she and her brother were children. The books we are currently reading out loud are more complicated than the children’s books we read out loud then.

I’ve rediscovered that reading out loud is not the same thing as reading to myself. Just because I’m a fluent silent reader, doesn’t mean I am a fluid out loud reader. Reading out loud takes different skills than silent reading. Here are 10 tips to make reading out loud for adults more enjoyable.

 Chapter length.  Reading out loud takes longer than silent reading. No matter what book I read, I must finish a chapter at one sitting. When deciding which book to read,  preview the chapter lengths to see if they are doable in one sitting.

Consistency. Read every day or two so that you don’t lose the momentum or gist of the story. If you do miss several days in a row, talk about what has happened so far.

Contract. Make a contract to not read ahead. My dh and I decided to read the Chronicles of Narnia together. After about a week he got so caught up in the story that he read ahead and finished the book when I wasn’t home. Even though he said he’d reread (out loud) the story from where we left off, the fun of doing this together was ruined for me.

Dialogue. Lots of dialogue is hard to portray unless you have a dramatic flair. If being dramatic, it’s helpful that the reader remember which voice goes to which character.

Enunciate. Take the time to speak clearly. Don’t read the words in a rushed, garbled, or low-toned voice.

Expression. Even if you don’t have a dramatic bent, read the story with expression. Monotone reading brings out the bleary eyed look and shuts down interest and comprehension.

Foreign phrases, names and places. If the book has lots of names of people, places and/or phrases in a language that you are not fluent in, skip it as a read aloud. If it is a book that is a must read, then consider having only one reader.  That way the pronunciations will always be the same and not be so confusing.

Mix it up. Do this to keep interest high. There are 3 ways to do this. 1. Take turns reading aloud. 2. Take turns picking which book to read. I love it when it’s my turn to pick. I think about my choice for days. 3. Vary the genre. Mix up the fiction with the non-fiction books. Go from silly to serious. Sometimes read a child’s book and other times read one that’s genius level. 

Politeness. Don’t laugh at or correct the pronunciation of the reader. This is not a school assignment but something to be enjoyed together.

Stop. Sometimes the book you pick is not a good read aloud book. It’s OK to stop. There are plenty of suitable read aloud books available.

Below are links for read aloud tips for children. Adults would benefit too.

• Michelle Mitchell at Scribbit posted today about  How to Get Your Child to Read (and some free books).
• Great tips on reading out loud are found here, the site for Reading is Fundamental.
• More tips on reading out loud to your child are found here

Do you read out loud? What are your best read out loud tips?