Love is not a feeling; it’s a verb.

. at . 1 comment

I used to have a rock with that definition on it.

In the book Spiritual Disciplines of a C.H.R.I.S.T.I.A.N. by Gil Stieglitz there is a chapter on the Discipline of Loving. Dr. Gil further defines love as “meeting needs, pursuing or pleasing” (p. 218).

 I’ve ascribed to and followed the meeting needs and pleasing part, but until now I haven’t given much thought to pursuing. This chapter  (and lecture in class) in the book caused me to rethink my “love” relationships.

I was convicted in how I haven’t been “loving as pursuing” towards my two adult children. Since my divorce 5 years ago, I’ve gone to work (used to be a stay-at-home, homeschool mom), attended school, and limped along emotionally as well as I could. Since my two young adult children have been mostly of the house and on their own, I haven’t given them a lot of daily, weekly or monthly time.

Dr. Gil says that family needs 4 hours a day.*  I know  my kids are out of the house, but many times I haven’t even given them 4 hours a month.

God has shown me that I’ve been selfish. So I am making some changes.

  • God sent some unexpected funds to my sister and me so we are taking my two kiddos to Disneyland in mid April. Its always been a fun place for us to go to and I anticipate more of the same this time around.
  • I called my daughter and asked how she wanted to spend her birthday in May. Normally her birthday falls around the time my church has a big to-do. This year, I will spend it with my daughter. 
  • I want to send them a letter (OK -really a note) every couple of weeks just to let them know I care and how proud of them I am.
  • I plan on seeing them every month. I know that many times I’ll have to go there (both live in San Francisco). I really do NOT like driving in San Francisco: I get lost every time both ways and those one way, mountainous streets freak me. But I am committed to this way of loving. 
  • My goal is to average 4 hours a week between the letters, phone calls and visits.

I am sad that . . .

  • I let all this time pass before making these relationships a priority again.
  • My behavior hurt my precious children.  

But I am grateful that . . .

  • God  has shown me how unbalanced I’ve let myself become.
  • It isn’t too late to re-establish a healthy, fun and pursuing relationship with my children.

* Dr. Gil gave us some other stats as well.

  • Spouses need1 hour daily with each other in a good marriage. 2 hours daily for a distressed marriage.
  • Women need 6-8 hours a week with women.
  • Men need about 4 hours a week with men.
  • Most everyone would benefit from 1 hour of alone time daily.

I know that since our world isn’t perfect, we won’t be able to fulfill these needs all the time. But I like knowing these facts so that I have something to align my life with.

Hey, please ask me from-to-time how I’m doing in this area. Thanks.

Entry filed under: School, Susan's World. Tags: .

3 Whiteboard Cleaning Tips – WFMW Don’t You Love It When God Confirms Something?

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Duker  |  . at .

    Susan
    What an awesome reminder. As kids grow older we forget that they NEED our love too. Even if they live in your home there may not be enought time being spent there. Thanks for opening my eyes.

    Reply

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57 Thing To Do During my 57th Year

The Big DayMarch 12th, 2016
6 months to go.

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57 Things I’ve Done by March 2016

1. Bought Personalized 2015 Photo Calendar
2. Bought Personalized Stamps
3. Wrote 2 Blackout Poems
4. Movie Marathon: The Good Witch Films (7 of them) -watched with Marsha
5. Movie Marathon: Star Wars: Phantom Menace
6. Family Special Time (Lennon, Kadie)
7. Movie Marathon: Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship, The Two Towers, and Return of the King - watched with Lori
8. Gathered contents & sealed a time capsule to be opened July, 2018,
9. Made snowman 2015 ornament.

57 Books I’ve Read by March 2016

1. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo.
2. Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand
3. Inspiration Sandwich by SARK.
4. A Man of Grit and Grace: Paul by Charles Swindoll
5. Prayer: Life's Limitless Reach by Jack R Taylor
6. Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
7. The Secret Adversary by Agatha Christie
8. MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend by Rachel Bertsche
9. I'm Glad I'm a Mom: Inspirational Stories of Love, Laughter, and Everyday Life by Hearts at Home
10. The Great Divorce by CS Lewis
11. The Husband's Secret by Liane Moriarty
12. Lay My Isaac Down by Carol Kent
13. A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs
14. Living Oprah by Robyn Okrant
15. The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins
16. What's So Amazing About Grace? by Philip Yancey
17. Pollyanna by Eleanor H. Porter
18. The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
19. The Blessing: Giving the Gift of Unconditional Love and Acceptance by John Trent & Gary Smalley
20. The Engine 2 Diet: The Texas Firefighter's 28-Day Save-Your-Life Plan that Lowers Cholesterol and Burns Away the Pounds by Rip Esselstyn
21. The Pursuit of God Paperback by A. W. Tozer
22.-25. Last Light, Night Light, True Light, & Dawn's Light (a Restoration Novel Series) by Terri Blackstock
26.. Nicholas Nickleby by Charles Dickens
27. The Hope Quotient by Ray Johnson
28, One Thousand White Women: The Journals of Mary Todd by Jim Fergus
29. Joseph Andrews by Henry Fielding
30. Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift
31. Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen
32. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
33. Laddie; a true blue story, by Gene Stratton Porte
34. Mansfield Park by Jane Austen
35. An Old-Fashioned Girl by Louise May Alcott
36. Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
37. Miss Julia Lays Down the Law by Ann B. Ross
38. Persuasion by Jane Austen
39. A Jane Austen Education: How Six Novels Taught Me About Love, Friendship, and the Things That Really Matter by William Deresiewicz
40. Emma by Jane Austen
41. Thrush Green by Miss Read
42. The Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams

Stuff I’ve Written and When

Book of Braille Sculptures

By Elizabeth Symington

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