This Grief Attitude Annoys Me

I am doing a paper on grief. So, I’ve read/am reading a mass of books (8 so far), and seeing what’s out there in magazines and on the Internet.

One thought that is prevalent is that Time Heals All Wounds Including Grief. Now that’s a falsehood if ever I’ve heard one. Intentional grief work heals grief. The mere passage of time does nothing but to cover up the pain. Out-of-sight. Hidden away with all the other losses that were never properly mourned either.

In a culture that doesn’t like to acknowledge loss or talk about the impact, it’s difficult to grieve. And when we add this silence to the fact that most of us have never been taught about the process and normalcy of grief, no wonder we struggle. H. Norman Wright, Experiencing Grief, page 1

This book by Wright is one of the best that I’ve read so far. It’s a small 92 page book that briefs the reader on the process of grief, how to move through it well (not quickly), and the role of faith in grief (with pertinent Scripture). As a Christian, I want and need this latter input.

In reading all this material I see that I have grief issues that need some intentional work. Some of it is 40 + years old. If time heals all wounds, hasn’t enough time passed for me to be healed?

How about you, are you current on your grief?

P.S. I bought one of the used copies ($ 0.68) on Amazon and am quite pleased with the condition of the book and the speed it arrived after ordering.

Related Post . . . The FLAW in T.H.A.W. (Time Heals All Wounds)

Entry filed under: Grief. Tags: Grief.

6 C’s On My Gratitude List No Matter How Hard You Try, These 6 Things Will Not Be At Women’s Retreat June 5-7, 2009

15 Comments Add your own

1. Totallyscrappy | . at .

My brother died 3 months ago and I’m amazed at the process of grieving. I’m amazed at the power it has to absolutely “sucker punch” you from nowhere. I’m also amazed at my own coping skills that allow me to squirrel away my grief and hide it like a nut for winter until I want to deal with it. Not now… Can’t think about it here… Don’t want to cry right now…

When a Loved One Dies by Philip W. Williams has been a wonderful little book with small devotions that has helped greatly.

Good Grief by Lolly Winston is a wonderful work of fiction about a woman whose husband dies. A delightful story about a woman in the throes of grief.

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2. Elizabeth Symington | . at .

There is a miss spelling in the header. That’s not like you. Your review on grief is insightful in that time doesnt heal pain. I thought something was wrong with me because time hasnt healed my pain over the divorce. Thinking, talking, crying and writing has helped a lot in dealing with the pain. Thank you for writing.

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3. Elaine williams | . at .

As a widow of almost five years I agree that grief is not to be rushed. It is often times messy, un predictable and painful. You’re numb in the beginning and some days it’s difficult functioning, much less thinking about facing another day and what it may involve. In time, we do come to a new “normal” whatever that is for each of us. And, we can feel joy in living again, if we try not to isolate ourselves too much from daily living. If friends and family offer help, it’s okay to take them up on their offer, because sometimes maybe that’s all we need is a little helping hand. We all do grief and loss in our own individual way, there is no right or wrong. Best of luck in your studies. elaine

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4. susan2009 | . at .

Dear TotallyScrappy,

I am sorry to hear about the death of your brother. I can’t imagine what you are going through esp since siblings carry part of our history with them.

I’ve also been amazed at and overpowered by grief’s pain before. A line I read in Wright’s book helped name my grief. Grief is a statement that you loved someone. (Barbara Bumgartner said it though.)

I pray that you find time, people, and a safe place to process your grief.

Thanks for the book suggestions. I will check them out.

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5. susan2009 | . at .

Dear Elizabeth,

I am sorry that I have been a poor role model and that I haven’t helped you in your gried process since your dad and I divorced. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to even be willing to deal with my own grief about it.

I want to emphatically state (again) that you and your brother were NO way responsible for the demise of the marraige. Also I know that your dad loves you, as do I.

Unfortunately, wounded people wound others.

I am so proud of you and the healing work you have done. Your example, again, amazes me.

I love you and I pray for you, my precious.

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6. susan2009 | . at .

Dear Elaine,

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your husband.

From reading your post and site, I see that you know a lot about grieving. Thanks for sharing. I will be checking out your book.

Elizabeth – thanks for the spell check and your encouraging words. I love and appreciate you more than you’ll ever know.

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7. Cara | . at .

I just blogged on this topic and found it interesting what you had to say!
http://caravaughan.wordpress.com/

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- 8. susan2009 | . at .
  
  Hello Cara,
  
  You are dealing with a lot concerning the murder of your brother. I am so sorry for the senseless act that took his life.
  
  Thank you for sharing your reactions. Thank you for sharing how you dealt with them.
  
  You have my prayers for continued healing. and that you’ll continue to feel/know God’s presence.
  
  With prayers, Susan
  
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9. daivsblog | . at .

Until you actually experience grief, there is no way to understand, let alone relate to the experience.

My mother died recently, after mentally deteriating over the 10 years prior. It was more of a relief than grief-inducing.

On the other hand, my beloved dog, Gus, has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. The pain I am working through at this time cannot be documented, catalogued, or adequately described. I am blogging my process at:
http://daivsblog.wordpress.com/.

Perhaps my process can help you with your paper. Good luck, and I hope that you never have to go through what I am now.

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- 10. susan2009 | . at .
  
  I am sorry for the painful process you are going through. Journaling has been a great way for me to work through painful issues including grief. I hope it brings you some comfort and peace. Thank you for sharing your stories here. I’m sure that it has or will help someone in their time of grief.
  
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11. daivsblog | . at .

Dear susan2009.

Thanks for your response. The reason I started my blog on WordPress in lieu of journaling was mostly to work my way through the greiving process. I have now expanded it to cover more of my interests, probably to take my mind off my pet, but also to share other frustrations with others who ma be experiencing similar feelings.

Thanks again. I wish you the best.

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- 12. susan2009 | . at .
  
  I read some of your posts, especially those about Gus. Gus was very fortunate that you gave him a home. It is apparent there is a strong bond between you.
  I am sorry for the pain you are all in. My dog is also dying but it is not traumatic at this point and we do not have any other animals in the home. It is hard to watch Chip change from the alert, strong, healthy dog he has been for 18 years to one that is feeble. When I pray for my beloved pet, I’ll pray for your’s too.
  
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13. Rebecca Carney - One Woman's Perspective | . at .

Just ran across your entry. I’m sure your paper was written long ago! Hadn’t read H. Norman Wright’s book, but will check into it.

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- 14. susan2009 | . at .
  
  Hello Rebecca,
  
  Thank you for visiting. My prayer is that you found something useful. I wrote my paper in 2008. Since then I have read a couple of other books and processed more of my grief regarding my divorce, parenting, and the death of both parents.
  
  I am so sorry for the grief you are enduring because of the murder/death of your son. I am sorry that the media did not acknowledge Jason well. I am so sorry for the awful turn your life has taken. I know I cannot understand what you are going through. I just prayed that you would feel God’s blessings and that that makes a difference just for today.
  
  With Prayers, Susan
  
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15. Grief Table of Contents | Fruitful Words | . at .

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