There Can Be No Trust When Perfection is Your Goal

“A characteristic of a trusting heart is the knowledge that no one is perfect, including you. Therefore, there is no beating up another for his or her failures. No punishment to earn back your love. No testing to see if they deserve a second chance. There can be no trust when perfection is your goal. Perfectionism takes away all ability to trust.”

“When someone breaks our trust, we must ask ourselves if we contributed. Were we awake in the relationship? If the answer is no, we have some learning to do. . .

• Putting boundaries in place.
• Being present in the relationship.
• Being willing to see and speak the truth.

If the answer is yes to being present and the trust was broken, there is healing work to do.”

“Never deny the love you had. Never act as if it didn’t exist or wasn’t real. It was. Love doesn’t guarantee that there will always be trust between you. People get afraid and they do things that do not represent their best. People lash out when they don’t know what else to do. People hurt other people because they are hurting inside.”[1]

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[1] Rhonda Britten. Change Your Life in 30 Days.New York: Dutton, 2004, pp137-138.

So what do you think about this?

Since getting divorced I’ve noticed some things I’ve needed to change in my heart. Like . . .  no one is perfect (including me) and I can let that fact separate me from others or let it be just what it is . . . a fact.

I’ve also learned that being in a living, loving, growing relationship means I need to be present in the relationship. Be willing to see what is. Then either accept it or say something about it. No closed eyes hoping it will magically get better.  Be strong and stand up for good boundaries.

Finally, I’ve  see again and again that people do things that aren’t meant to be hurtful to me. It isn’t even about me. People get afraid or overwhelmed or so focused on their own stuff that they then do things, say things, that doesn’t represent their best.

I do the same. We all need grace especially when going through hurting times.

These kinds of thoughts are keeping me company while I also think about my divorce. June 17th would have been 27 years married.