20 Ways I Handled My Breaking Heart (from divorce)
Question: “My heart is broken and wonder how I’ll be able to handle it. Any words of wisdom? I know you’re a single mom. How do you cope and go on?”
Long Answer: I did not accept my ex’s divorce decision very well. I became depressed and non-functional for a while. Because my kiddos were 17 and 18 when this occurred, I could fall apart and not endanger their lives. I am not proud of how I initially handled life.
There is not one thing that took away the devastation. It was a combination of grieving well, staying close to God, and doing the below.
1. I handled it one day at a time and sometimes 10 minutes at a time. I didn’t let myself focus on my fears for the future.
2. I went to my doctor and got an anti-depressant for about 6 months. I am not usually one for taking meds (hate to swallow things) but I needed to get a grip for my kids sake.
3. I went to my pastor. I went to a professional counsellor.
4. I stayed in the WORD (the minor prophets and Psalms).
5. I listened to praise music. I did not allow myself to listen to sad, secular music.
6. I went for prayer at church. I prayed and fasted on my own too.
7. I met with some Christian ladies regularly who prayed over me and talked to me.
8. I asked God to show me where I was wrong and what I could/should do (if anything) about it.
9. I read Bible verses that calmed me and showed me I was ok, loved, and cherished just as I was.
10. I cried a lot. I felt my feelings as they came up.
11. I journalled.
12. I took the next step that God asked me to do. First it was move back to CA (from CO). Then it was find a college to get my BA. Then it was to get my MA. All through this time I never really knew if I would be able to finish. But I did!
13. I kept reminding myself that God sees me, has a good plan for me and that He’ll give me the grace and strength to meet the next step in my path.
14. I did my best to eat well, sleep well, and anything else I needed to do for self-care. This included curtailing my schedule to doing only what was necessary. Grief takes a lot of energy. As time went on, part of my self-care was to give to others.
15. I tried to limit my “useless” thinking because it got me further depressed.
16. I surrounded myself with people who loved me and told me the truth about myself and God. I repeated these truths to myself. They encouraged me to go to God. I accepted their help, love, and prayers.
17. I went to 2 divorce recovery classes. This was VERY helpful.
18. I talked with other women in similar situations.
19. I prayed for my ex. I tried to see life from his eyes. I prayed I would forgive and understand. I prayed for reconciliation between him and our children.
20. I let the kiddos know it wasn’t their fault.
Wow, I didn’t realize that I used so many “tools.” I didn’t use all the tools all the time. It was a process. I used what worked. When it stopped working, I tried something else. Healing was a process. It still is at times.
You will heal, my friend. You will be different. Your “heart” will be different. But if you take the necessary steps and depend on God, you will heal. In your time and in your way.
Your Turn . . . If you’ve been in the same situation, what did you do that helped you cope and/or go on?
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- Falling Into Place
- Loss Leads to Depression
- There Can Be No Trust When Perfection is Your Goal
- This Relationship is Never Going Back to OK
- Time to Pray Away Love