101 Ways to Connect with Others

Meeting people happens all the time. But turning those meetings into something more, like friendship, deep friendship, takes work, commitment, and consistency. Deepening friendships require more than just spending time together or having laughs.

Below are 101 ways to connect with others. Read through the list and see which one or two strikes a chord and then do it. Or better yet, read the list with your friend and pick out one or two things you wish s/he would do. Do these types of actions on a regular basis and you will see  your relationships grow.

1. Learn their love language and use it frequently.
2. Pray for the friendship
3. Keep confidences
4. Never gossip about them
5. Encourage them every chance you get through words of affirmation
6. Praise them in front of others
7. Get to know their dreams.
8. Listen to their dreams.
9. Share your dreams with your friend(s).
10. Help each other accomplish those dreams.
11. Support them in their dreams by your words and actions.
12. Call/text/im them just because
13. Give them your full attention when you are together.
14.  Make them a personalized gift (CD mix, collection of pertinent quotes, handmade journal for a writer, homemade vanilla for a baker, detail their car, make a favorite meal).
15. Write a letter telling them how much they mean to you and why. End it with a blessing.
16. Write a song or poem, or create an art work for them.
17. Laugh at their jokes.
18. Listen well to their stories – even though you’ve heard them before
19. Never demean or criticize them.
20. Ask for their help.
21. Ask for their opinion.
22. Ask for their advice and then take it.
23. Learn how to handle conflict constructively.
24. Confront issues that need confronting in a timely manner.
25. Learn to deal with the issues you will never agree upon.
26. Have fun together.
27. Do something spontaneous together.
28. Do something meaningful together (like volunteer).
29. Accept them for who they are.
30. Don’t try to change them.
31. Have regular contact.
32. Laugh together.
33. Cry together.
34. Challenge growth in each other.
35. Talk about God, your walk, and how you hope to grow this year.
36. Tell them when they are wrong – in a gentle manner.
37. Accept the same input into your own life.
38. Act like you are on the same team when the relationship is strained.
39. Believe the best about the other person.
40. Keep no record of wrongs.
41. Rejoice in their good fortunes – don’t be jealous.
42. Root out any angry, bitter, or selfish spirits in your heart.
43.  Don’t always make it about you. Make it about them.
44. Always be polite and never rude, especially in front of others.
45. Don’t act like you are better than them.
46. Be patient with their growth areas.
47. Be kind.
48. Don’t be a braggart.
49. When you ask for help or share a need, let the other person have the option of giving you a real “no” without it affecting the relationship.
50. When there is a misunderstanding, give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Believe they didn’t mean you (emotional) harm.
51. When it is needed, forgive often, and quickly.
52. Don’t hold past misgivings against them.
53. Forgive yourself when you make mistakes in the friendship.
54. Don’t tease or be sarcastic.
55. Respect their “no.”
56. Pray with them.
57. Do new things together.
58. Take a class or do a sport together.
59. Develop rituals together.
60. Talk about everything.
61. Don’t hide yourself from them.
62. Be true to your word.
63. Don’t do anything that will give them reason to doubt your affection or commitment to the relationship.
64. Work on your shortcomings.
65. Give them space and time to work on their own shortcomings.
66. Secretly do one of their chores.
67. Help them with an item or two on their to-do list.
68. Give a back rub or shoulder squeeze.
69. Listen to/read and return their messages in a timely manner.
70. Share control of the remote.
71. Share control of the plans.
72. Be realistic in your expectations of them and the relationship.
73. Be realistic of expectations for yourself regarding the relationship.
74. Ask them, “If you could change one thing I do, what would it be?” If it is reasonable, change it.
75. Travel together.
76. Ask for forgiveness.
77. Give gifts they want to receive not what you want to give.
78. Write love/appreciation notes to each other – or friendship notes if you are not a couple.
79. Send cards for several months for once a week or until a hard time passes.
80. Assure them that they will make it through their hard time.
81. Remind them of their good traits, skills, potential, and lovely features.
82. Smile at them often.
83. Look at them with affection.
84. Be on the lookout for things that will minister to them.
85. Give them care when they are ill, overwhelmed, too tired, or in crisis.
86. Don’t expect them to always be happy, upbeat, patient, or in a good mood.
87. Allow fluctuations in their mood without taking it personally.
88. Don’t allow yourself to be treated badly (physically, emotionally, or spiritually) on a consistent basis.
89. Don’t give advise unless asked for it. If you are a parent this is especially hard with adult children.
90. Have a few secrets together.
91. Share your past hurts, failures, and triumphs with one another.
92. Use your manners: please and thank you never go out of style.
93. Make a photo album documenting some of your life together. Write the captions as a team.
94. On the person’s next birthday or other significant event, ask people to submit written statements about the person.
95. Put all the cards the other has given to you in a binder. Periodically read them.
96. Write an a-z list of the qualities of the other person.
97. Initiate contact, especially if you hardly ever do.
98. Pray and ask God for friends.
99. Eat a meal together – frequently if possible.
100. Don’t bicker – relate in a harmonious manner.
101. Plan a future together.

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