Asking for What You Want Is Scary But It Stops Complaining

. at . 8 comments

fruitfulwords1Yesterday I was told to hush and stop sharing my opinions on my Facebook page. This is what I naively shared . . .

“A measure of any society is how it treats its’ women and its’ girls,” Michelle Obama. . . . Women/girls being treated poorly, bothers me. . . . . “This is disgraceful and intolerable. It doesn’t matter what party we belong to. This isn’t about politics. It is about right and wrong.”

The conversation took on a life of its own. So I took the conversation to the private arena of Facebook Messenger with one person. That person told me (among other things) that I should hush as my views were contentious, disingenuous, a disappointment and flat-out wrong.

I felt dismissed and bullied and let my feelings get hurt. Because of past situations I let my reaction be bigger than was called for. Instead of talking to the person, I complained to my sister.

I had good reasons (I thought) to not talk to the responsible party.

  • I was afraid of her response back to me.
  • I don’t like confrontation.
  • I am not good with words.

But this morning I did. I thought and thought and then wrote how I felt and why. I wrote to her because we have good history (I thought) and because I would no longer be dismissed and silenced by others.

I asked for what I wanted.

I’d like to think we could agree to disagree concerning how we express our views. I respectfully give you space to do as you feel led and I’d like the same respect back.

And if we can’t, then we part ways.

Complaining made me feel … yucky … a victim … hopeless.  . . .  And there was no resolution.

Because I choose to take positive action, I feel  . . .

  • Yucky. I still feel this way because I have high regard for this person and this may truly be the end of the relationship. And I am still wounded by her words.
  • Empowered. It felt good and strong to express how I felt as a result of her words and attitude.
  • Proud. Like I said, I don’t like confrontation. But saying something is the only way through to us having an equal, respectful and honest relationship. And I am proud I showed enough respect for myself to say anything.

And while the situation is not resolved regarding our relationship, it is resolved in that I took the steps I needed to take.

F.Y.I – My sister is good about listening and then pointing me to taking a positive step to rectify the situation.

Today is Day 17 of my No Complaining Challenge. . . . I’ve discovered that a reason I complain is because I am too fearful to politely speak up and ask for a positive resolution. Today I took action and asked.

Your Turn . . . Does fear of confrontation lead you to complain instead of positively addressing the situation?

Related Resources . . .

  1. Goal: Complaint Free for a Whole Month
  2. You Just Might be a Potty Mouth
  3. 31 Days of Finishing (2014 #Write31Days series)
  4. Finding Laughter (2015 #Write31Days series)

Today is Day 19 of the #Write31Days online October writing challenge. My topic is 31 Days of Fruitful Words INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING. I know I will be challenged in more ways than writing every day. If you’d like to have more fruitful words coming from your mouth, please join me from October 1-31, 2016.

Go here for the landing page which has all the posts from this series.

Go here to see what #Write31Days is all about, the categories and the bloggers who are participating.

Entry filed under: 31 Days of Writing, Main. Tags: , , , .

Adding a “BUT” Turned Situation from Complaining to Resolved Five Blessings and No Complaints

8 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Duker  |  . at .

    Susan,
    I am so sorry that someone told you to HUSH… on your Facebook page. I really can’t believe that someone would do that to you on a public forum.
    Especially as it is so easy to just unfollow them for a while.
    WHICH…… I have had to do to a few people as the presidential election looms closer and closer. 😦.
    Chin up, saying a prayer for you and the person who didn’t know how to handle the differences of opinion on a public forum.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • 2. susan2009  |  . at .

      Thanks for your support and prayers, Duker. This has been a cantankerous election and has saddened me to the max.

      Unfollow is a great option. Is there a way to then refollow?

      Like

  • 3. Gayl  |  . at .

    Your words did not sound contentious to me. I’m really sorry you were treated this way. I hope this person will be more understanding and know that you can have differing opinions and still be friends. I pray that God will be with and continue to give wisdom and strength and grace.

    Blessings to you, Susan!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • 4. susan2009  |  . at .

      That is my prayer, too, Gayl. I wasn’t being contentious but perhaps I was naive. And I hope we can be friends, too. That is another one of my prayers.

      Liked by 1 person

  • 5. hopeful50  |  . at .

    Politically speaking…….this election needs some holy confrontation. I am voting LIFE, LIBERTY, FREEDOM, CONSTITUTION.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • 6. susan2009  |  . at .

      Holy – yes. But with rudeness and name calling – No. That kind of talk will never change my mind.

      Like

  • 7. Robyn  |  . at .

    This hits me so hard today. I had the same thing happen to me yesterday. I did confront, via message. I’m not sure what will become of the relationship. 😥

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • 8. susan2009  |  . at .

      I am so sorry you had the same experience, Robyn.
      Why can’t we educate and share our opinions with grace and gentleness?
      I hope you are your friend are able to reconcile.

      Like

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