5 Reasons I Love My Ex

Important relationships that end with pain, misunderstanding, mistrust, and/or hate can make it very hard to form new relationships without baggage. One way to lose the baggage is to look honestly at that relationship. Yes, there was trauma. Were there also some positive aspects? Sometimes there are. Acknowledging these can help in the healing.

In the case of my divorce it wasn’t all the fault of one person. It was a mixed bag. Seeing the good in my ex has helped me have a more balanced view of our relationship. It has helped me heal. I have learned about myself, my ex, and people in general.

Here are 5 things I love about my ex that our divorce cannot negate.

1. Our children. Having our children is something I will never regret. I will always be grateful for his contribution to their being born and to the type of father he was while they grew up.

2. Memories. Even though we no longer do life together as a couple, I am grateful for many of the memories we made together. We laughed, grew, prayed, traveled, and did ministry together. We influenced some people because of our parenting and relationship.

3. My growth. I knew him for about 22 years. My ex was a major influence in my life. Much of that influence was positive. During my wacked out hormonal times, he’d remind me that we were on the same team. When I was under the influence of fatigue, he’d remind me that it wouldn’t always be this hard and relentless (raising kiddos). He helped me find balance and God.

4. My mom. My ex and my mom had a tender relationship. They talked about all kinds of things. He didn’t mind that my mom would come visit us several times a year and stay for 3 weeks or so. He was good to my mom.

5. His grandparents. When you get married you also get your new spouse’s family. Two people I got were his grandparents. From the first day I met them until their deaths, they loved me, accepted me, and spent time with me. Of course they did the same with our kiddos too. We are better people because of their friendship. They were special, special people and I miss them soooooo much.

I wrote a bullet point list of things I am grateful for about my ex here. Two items on this list (#’s 3 and 4) are also on that list

Your Turn . . .

• If you are divorced, what are some things you love about your ex?
• Or what are some things you love about an ex-friend,ex-family member, ex-room-mate, or ex-boss.

This is the 11th post in the “5 Reasons I Love . . .” Series.  Go here for the original post which explains how this idea came about.  The next post in this series is 5 Reasons I Love Travel.

Almost-27th-Anniversary Thoughts

Today would’ve been 27 years married.

Instead it is 7 years torn apart.

But God is in it and God is good.

And my ex no longer claims my heart.

To mend a shattered heart is impossible.

To unlove someone is a difficult task.

But God is in it and God is good.

And it’s in the Lord’s miracles I bask.

I don’t deserve His miracles.

Quite frankly neither do you.

But God is in it and God is good.

His power & love will get us through.

Thank you, Lord, for this miracle of healing. I look forward to this next chapter where I  can live with my heart fully experiencing life, hope and joy.

 

Related Posts

• There Can be No Trust When Perfection is Your Goal
• This Relationship Is Never Going Back To Okay
• 4 Ways Grief Has Changed My Beliefs
• Time To Pray Away Love

4 Things I Didn’t Know About Blended Families

A blended family . . .

• Is not a cohesive group.
• Is combustive, exhaustive and difficult.
• The husband and wife don’t cease to be single parents.
• Takes a lot of prayer, humility, desire and perseverance to make it work.

Is this true?

Surely not. Surely blended families aren’t that much different than same parent families. Surely this isn’t the norm! I heard the above from the video in today’s DivorceCare class. I’ve also heard this from friends who are in blended marriages.

I have been ignorant about the dynamics of blended families. I have given poor counsel. Lord, help me to be a more faithful pray-er for those in such situations.

Please, take a moment right now and pray as well.

This Relationship is Never Going Back to OK

God recently told me through a friend that “It’s time to let go.”  Time to let go of my broken marriage. The divorce has been final for years. Time to move past the pain. My ex and I are never going back to okay (as far as a marriage relationship goes).

And you know what? That’s okay. I am finally letting myself wake up and feel – even though it hurts. It’s time to step out into a world of my choosing. I’m waking up into a world where people love and like me.

What do you need to admit? What are you holding onto that will never be okay?  Let’s pray for one another, shall we?

Divorce Still Hurts After 6 Years

Broken dreams on dotted lines

Sign your past away
This is yours and that is mine
So the papers say
How can you move on so quickly?
How can you heal so fast?
What will I do with my mornings?
What will I do with my nights?

How can I start all over?

Knowing we’re less than friends
Why is it the simple truths are hardest to believe?
You want answers I can’t give
You want words I don’t know
Ask me when I’m through getting over you

After this day is over

How can my dreams go on?
What will I do with my mornings?
What will I do with my nights?
You want answers I can’t give
You want words I don’t know
Ask me when I’m through getting over you

Ask me when I’m through getting over you.

I wrote the above poem several years after signing the divorce papers. The pain (of the divorce) is now 6 years old. And yes, it still hurts. Mostly now in infrequent floods rather than like a consistent, festering wound.

Today is the 26th anniversary of getting married. I’m part of the statistic that didn’t stay married. That makes me sad . . . . for myself, the kiddos, affected family/friends and even for him.

But praise God, He does take the wreckage and refashions a new life. I’m still working out the kinks in this new life. So are the kiddos. Evidently he is happy.

I’m not happy per se, but I am at peace knowing I have a Father and God who will never abandon me or my children . . . . no matter what . . . . Never. And that He made me and my children (and him) for a good purpose.

I am trying to live out that good purpose. . . . with some joy, lots of integrity, and faith that I’ll see the good thing from this awful event. (See Genesis 50:20 and Romans 8:28.)

5 Ways I Saw God Take Care of Me Today

God provided me with an accountability partner (ap) for the Treasure Principle sermon series. (Maybe two!)We’ll meet weekly to talk about our goals, how we did, educate ourselves about this issue and pray. I think prayer will turn out to be the key to our changing.

 Our discussion revealed that we have some doubts about God’s willingness to take care of us financially. When I was married I didn’t feel that way. Even though at times we were poor (like not knowing where the next meal would come from poor), I felt secure in my hubby’s ability to provide. I just didn’t worry about finances. Back then I KNEW that God would provide either through hubby or other means. And He did every time.

 However, since the divorce, I’ve felt very vulnerable and fearful. Isn’t that plain nuts? I have the same God. Maybe I  was really counting on the hubby to provide and not God. My ap and I realized that our focus is off. We want to focus on God and not the giant.

So part of our assignment for next week is to daily list “5 Ways God Took Care of Me Today.” I won’t always make this list public, but here’s today’s list.

1.  The accountabilty partners from God are just what I need. Not only will I get some structure in this area, I’ll have fun doing it. And I won’t have to do this alone.
2. God provided our WM account with $98. It came from the used cell phone/inkjet cartridge fundraiser. This money will go towards scholarships for the Retreat. We will do this fundraiser again!
3. I didn’t spend any money. That is always a plus.
4. I received emotional support. Several people called and/or visited me. Connecting with other women in honesty, fun, intelligence and caring fills up my emotional tank. The more filled it is, the better I am able to not resort to buying things to fill my tank.
5. God reminded me of my priority. I want God and not Things, Money, or People to rule my heart, pocketbook, words, actions and how I spend my time.

Be sure to pick up your copy of The Treasure Principle: Unlocking the Secret of Joyful Giving by Randy Alcorn. Go to the church office to pick one up. It’s $6.

 There are two Treasure Principle Small Groups at church these next 6 weeks (Feb-Mar 2007). Pastor Mike has one on Wednesday nights, 7-8:30 pm. John and Shula have one on Thursday nights, 5:30-8:30 pm. Their group starts with a potluck.

Call the church for phone numbers or more info on the groups. Or how about forming your own group? Or getting an accountability partner or two?