What to Say/What Not to Say to a Woman in Chronic Pain

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33395_mouthOften why a woman has chronic pain and/or a chronic illness is not easy to decipher. Often it’s not easy to even give a name to that  pain or set of symptoms. It is unexplained. 

Many people are uncomfortable with the unexplained.  They feel compelled to give answers for this unexplained situation. Instead of being quiet, they give answers that turn out to be stupid, not thought out and/or are hurtful. Many times a person’s theology is poorly reasoned and so they say things that are ignorant and/or judgmental.

Below are some words that are and are not helpful for a woman in pain.

Don’t Say This

  1. Why aren’t you healed yet?
  2. What haven’t you learned that God is trying to teach you?
  3. What did you do that God is punishing you? Just confess the sin and He’ll heal you.
  4. God must be withholding your healing for a reason.
  5. You must not be praying correctly.
  6. If you had enough faith or prayed with the right words, God would heal you.
  7. I know just how you feel!
  8. Don’t dwell on it. It could be a lot worse. Look at the bright side.
  9. It’s lucky you’re so you’re young. There’s time for a cure yet.
  10. Everything works together for good.
  11. So many people are praying, I know that you’ll be healed.
  12. You’re never given more than you can handle.

Yes, #10  and #12 are true. But the person giving the “answers” must have the right to speak into a woman’s life and must speak at the right time.

 What do you think gives a person the “right” to speak into someone’s life? How do you know when the time is right?

Do Say This[1]

  1. What can I do to help you? How can I support you best?
  2. I am here with you in this.
  3. What are some Scriptures you really like? Would you share when you’ve experienced God’s presenece and /or answers to prayer?
  4. What events in your life are changing and how are you coping? (#1)
  5. What motivates you to keep going when you are feeling down? (#217)
  6. How do you feel God is working though-or- despite this illness in your life. I’m interested. (#12)
  7. What do you wish people understood about your pain/illness? (#13)
  8. Ask, “How is your pain level today?” No one ever asks this and yet [her] life revolves around it. [She’ll] appreciate your concern. (# 172)

As someone with pain, which of the helpful words did you most resonate with? Could you add to this list?

As a supporter to one with pain, what is something you will say today to a woman in pain? Something you’ll stop saying?

      “The biggest help is probably validation without judgment.”  CS

Related Articles:

  • One Reason Why People Ignore Those with Chroinc Pain
  • 1 out 3 People Suffer From Chronic Pain
  • 4 Differences Between Acute & Chronic Pain   
  • Looking Fine & Still in Chronic Distress
  • Feelings & Thoughts Affected by Chronic Pain

  • [1]Numbers 4-8 are from Lisa Copen’s book Beyond Casseroles: 505 Ways to Encourage a Chronically Ill Friend. San Diego: Rest Ministries Publishing, 2008.

    Entry filed under: chronic pain, Learning. Tags: , .

    Accepting Honest Scrap Award Means I Share 10 Honest Things Things to Do/Not Do for a Woman in Chronic Pain

    2 Comments Add your own

    • 1. Rest Ministries  |  . at .

      Thanks so much for sharing this and for sharing about my book! Keep up the great work!


    • 2. link alternatif aduqq  |  . at .

      This site truly has all of the information and facts I wanted about this subject and didn’t know who
      to ask.



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