F: FREEDOM to Share Thoughts When There’s Someone Who’ll Listen

. at . 6 comments


Who is the person/group that listens to you?

Community, friends, tribe, mastermind group, and accountability group can be names for the same type of people. These are people who listen intently, talk candidly, acknowledge your triumphs, and believe in you.

They listen intently to you. When I lived in CO I met with a counselor for a couple of years. I needed to talk with someone who had the expertise to deal with my issues (unhealthy relationships, boundaries, divorce, eating disorder, severe depression). Sometimes I needed to hear strong advice about the next steps. Sometimes I needed someone who could help me sort out the truth from the lies.

But do you know what I mostly needed? I mostly needed the freedom to share my thoughts. I needed someone who would listen to me without judgment or advice. That weekly 50 minutes session was a life-changer.

Potentially any person can do that: listen without commentary, judgment, or advice. But it is hard to do. I think it is hard because we, the listener, hurt for the speaker.

We hurt so much for the person, we want to get them off their pain and onto a solution. That way WE will feel better.

It is thought that husbands are so analytical that they don’t let their wives process very much of their pain and struggles before offering solutions. You know what?

Women do this too. Listen in on any group of women where they are talking about their trials and you are sure to hear several ideas on what to do to fix the problems. And typically the to-do’s are given way before the troubled woman even has a chance to fully share her trouble.

Today I don’t have a counselor who is a good listener. Instead I have some friends who give me the space to talk. They give me the freedom to talk without rushing me on to the answers.

Your Turn . . .

  1. Do you have someone who lets you talk before they give answers?
  2. Are you a person who intently listens before giving answers?

Related Posts . . . 

  1. 20 Ways I Handled My Breaking Heart (from divorce)
  2. 101 Ways to Connect with Others
  3. Boundaries Benefit Me and Others
NOTE: This post is written for the Blogging From A to Z Challenge. There are 22 categories and my category is MI = Miscellaneous.
During the month of April I will post 26 times finishing up posts that have been in my draft fie for at least a year. For a list if all the post go to the A-Z button on my header.
Today’s letter is F. The topic is FREEDOM To Share When There’s Someone Who’ll Listen.

Entry filed under: Blogging From A to Z Challenge, Main. Tags: , , .

E: 7 Ways to EXCHANGE Grumpy for Happy G: Dealing With Disenfranchised GRIEF in a Healthy Way

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. C Baldizon  |  . at .

    Great post, Susan! As a life coach I find this role of non-judgmental listener is key and so needed!

    I’ve shared your post with several friends who need to hear what you have said.





    • 2. susan2009susan  |  . at .

      Thanks for this affirmation, Cathy.

      I know having these types of people in my life have been and continue to be key in my emotional healing and spiritual growth.

      So glad I could write something that helps someone else.


  • 3. susanroebuck  |  . at .

    I’m so with you. I suffered for a few years with an issue that I didn’t tell anyone about, but when I did tell my parents (in this case) then the flood of words wouldn’t stop coming and they helped me find a solution. I do bottle stuff up and I know that’s wrong. Lucky you finding the right person and then your friends..


    • 4. susan2009susan  |  . at .

      Hurray, Susan, for finally talking to your parents. That takes a lot of courage. I am glad you found a solution to your problem. Isn’t it amazing how powerful our secrets seem when we keep quiet about them. And then how a lot of the “steam” seems to dissipate once we start talking.

      I once read a quote that says “we are as sick as the secrets we keep.”

      It does take work finding those right people, but I believe they exist.


  • 5. Mindy  |  . at .

    Therapy was so important to me for years. But it never occurred to me that I taught me how to be a good listener, as well.


    • 6. susan2009  |  . at .

      That is a good point, Mindy.
      Isn’t it awesome that you received multiple benefits from therapy.

      I did as well. Sometimes when my therapist said a particularly insightful or helpful statement, the analytical part of my brain said, “Oh, that’s a good thing to remember.”

      Thanks for visiting.


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